wiped.

And its clean again like a 2 month non-user.

If you could see what I see

I ask myself this question everyday:

DO I MATTER?

And these people remind me, I do.

You guys will never know how much you mean to me.
If you could see what I see, you'd see a story.

who would win?

The world is in trouble. The ultimate middleman is in between God and the Devil. He has no affiliations nor does he have any preferences. He's a clean slate. So, if the side of good or evil would get a hold of him, they could potentially alter the world to their liking. If the equivalent of God and the equivalent of the Devil were in a fight to determine who would win the equivalent equal of God and the Devil, who would win?

Figures of Authority

Dad's on a business trip.
No, not selling drugs. That was false.
Without a figure of paternal authority, I think I'm tempted to test the waters of my seventeenth year of age.

I think I like to take advantage of maternal authority. Cause it's easier to, I guess.

Sorry mother.

My vernacular's spectacular.

Why is it that I'm compelled to blog again?

I think its envy.

It's the simple fact that everyone, and I do use that term loosely, is starting to blog again, that my mind is exerting some biological, psychological and/or subconscious "chemical" that makes me want to blog again. The notion of blogging grasped my attention before.

(As proof, you can look to your right. I'm pretty sure I didn't remove that little box of my previous posts.)

If you're reading this, then you probably "follow" me or you've read my blog before. If you've been up to date with my blog, you'd know that I've talked about school, friends and my love interests. I am actually on the cusp of graduation and I think that with everything I'm feeling lately, blogging will definitely help me relinquish some held-in emotion. Friends are my second "pole". There's this quote "Lean on poles, not people." I've learned that you only need a few significant people to make your life great. Thank you D.J Z.O.L.A.S. And as for love interests, let's just say I've love to grab me their genetics and clone two boys and alter their sexual preference. Impossible? Maybe. Great to think about? Always.

From a very awe-striking summer to the start of my senior year, to corny pick up lines to words that make my lips tremble, to losing three pounds to eating an angus third-pounder, I've been a fluctuation of several feelings. Trust me; this roller coaster of emotions was a very fun ride.

But yeah; I'm back. You'll be seeing more of me. Holla. :]

Tatted Up

In this world, everyone has tattoos.
Some are visible.
Some are not.
It differs with each person.
If you can't see any tattoos, they are your friend and you'd never leave them.
If you can see tattoos, that means the person is becoming, bit by bit, something other than your friend.

These tattoos can differ from a small name to a portrait.

In any way, and to not digress, I am filled with a world where I can see tattoos.

I want it to stop.
I want it to stop.
I want it to stop because as soon as I see these tattoos, it means that my life will soon change for the worse.

MAY the fun keep coming.

Last blog of the month. :/
A little sad but I will not leave this joyous month without giving you a great picture.


This is how I feel. Minus the girl and the guy part.
This picture explains my sexuality to a tee.
It's like...the girl has a small end and is rarely visible, but you can definitely see how much the guy has and he's clearly visible.


This picture was done by Adam Bouska. He's a great high fashion and controversy-topics photographer and I love his work. Like absolutely love his work. I spent literally three hours trying to find his pictures and every time I found one, my eyes were literally in a photographic heaven. And it leads me back to my black male theory, maybe I was seeing into the future of my future hubby, but maybe Adam. I think this because look....

Adam is a "black male".
So, this leads me to another question....was my fantasy indirect and am I doomed?

Anyways, I'm moving onto that conundrum. Never have I ever felt more of an urge to go to college and start my new life....independently. College is looming over my shoulder and I'm just anxious and so ready to dorm and get my learn on!

Seriously, I can get the fuck out of the drama and somewhere where I can become rejuvenated and refreshed somehow. I just really want to go...and finally become my own person. I'm....ready.

problemas with the "black" male.

I ruined my may finale by blogging this blog but I don't care...I think I need to get something off my chest. This blog has to do with the "black male". BUT DAVEYY...WHAT IS THE BLACK MALE? Let me tell you.

What is a black male? A black male is the type of guy I go for. He's got the really nice eyes, nice body, nice personality and is either "black" himself or has "black hair". Or in general, I hang around a lot of black males, males who are black and males who have black hair. BUT DAVEYY...WHY ARE YOU BLOGGING ABOUT THIS? Let me tell you.

Lately, there's been this one black male that's been kind of...hurting me in a sense. This person is supposed to be my friend, but every time he shuts me out or does something out-of-the-ordinary, I become very annoyed with this person. And lately, I've been experiencing a lot of "signs". There's been the three signs in particular. One is the "Top Syndrome". You know how I always use weird terminology, here's another to add to the list. Top Syndrome is a sadness, anger, confusion or some sort of negative emotion when looking at a friend's social network and seeing that you are "low" on their "top friends". I've been experiencing Top Syndrome for a while now and its starting to really hurt :/ If we're supposed to be such good friends, why am I so low, you know? Evidence number 2. I am subscribed to LoveBScott, an openly gay, and might I add funny and charismatic, Youtuber who posted a video recently about "Top 5 Friends Who You Should Give The Heave-Ho". It took me a while to figure out, through context clues, what Heave-Ho was, but when I did, I realized that this particular black male has been at least 2, if not 3, of the top five friends who i should give the heave-ho. He stated that you should not be scared of your friend. And that's what I am scared. I'm scared to lose this black male. But then he stated that if I'm scared of him already, what's the point of having him in my life? It's all so controversial. Point number 3. I ALWAYS check Yahoo! because it has the 4 main news articles and sometimes they're interesting to check out. The most recent one I clicked was the "Top 8 kinds of friends you should let go", and let me tell you...my black male friend had to be at least 4 of them. It's scary because for everyone I compared to him, I could also compare myself to. We are so alike, that it's not even funny. I'm torn, yo. I don't know what I should do, but no matter what happens, I know that I'll always remember the good he's done to me, because that's who I am; a person who sees the good in people.

And lastly, I have one more problem with the black male. This is more of like a fantasy. I keep thinking...my senior year...I'll be walking and then about to great my friends and then all of a sudden, this CUTE black male will come out of nowhere. This black male will be probably as tall as me, Caucasian, BLACK HAIR, and hopefully gay and not feminine. If this was to happen, I would die and thank God. FORREALZ. lmfao. So yeah...that's my little blog. I'll see you soon. <3

the vacation and may finale.

Fact: Ever since I've been blogging, the number of blogs a month decreases by increments of 5. lmfao.

Anyways, hello guys :] I'm back from my camping trip and I had a blast...but I'm sick. :/ I don't know what I have, but it's being treated with Dayquil and Nyquil. lmfao.

Anyways, let me tell you about the trip. The trip's rating would be a 7.5-8. I really loved it, but I was sick and people who shouldn't have been there were there, but regardless of what I think, it's good that they went because it would've been boring if they didn't. I've went "tripping, canoeing, and portaging" which is a combination of paddling, carrying and canoeing a canoe. haha. One of the best "vacations", I've been on in a while.


*try to find me*

And there is so much about the trip that I want/can say, but can't think of, so I won't, idk why, but yeah....ending it.

May was such a fun month for me....I don't think anything will be able to top it. Until June, Blogger...Much Love. Daveyy.

the long weekend without me.

As you may or may not know, I'm leaving on a camping trip to Camp Pathfinder Island in Algonquin Park, Canada, and won't be back for 5 days. I'll be home on the night of Tuesday, but the afternoon of Wednesday, I'll be sure to be on.

This blog is dedicated to one person in particular. This person is my guide in life. This person has given me advice, after advice, after advice, and our conversations are fun and usually endless, and we even have insiders, that are practically inside her...but lately, the student has become the teacher, and I think it was time for me to become the guide. Serious questions...how can you tell someone they're clearly beautiful, when they think they're ugly? How can you pay for a $5.01 meal with only a 5 dollar bill? How can you hear the big tree fall if you're not around to hear it? These are all pretty good questions that can't really be answered, unless you go into philosophy and psychology, but seriously...how can you? One word: Find. When you can sense that a person is hurting, find a way to get to them. When you can't get out of a rut, find an answer. When you can't see the problem clearly, find a sign or clues to help make you not blind. I just wish that I could've heard the big tree fall, tell her that she's extremely beautiful, and help her with her 1 cent meal problem, because I sure as hell could've found the clues, tell her that she's extremely beautiful and got down on my knees to get the penny that I spotted under the cashier's table. Good people deserve good friends, and I honestly think that she deserves the best right now. I'm gonna go get some "tender bootyjuice" now, so ttyl.

being completely thrown off balance.

DISCLAIMER: I don't mean to put anyone's business out. I'm making it vague and will not disclose the name. I just have to write this blog...

I am completely thrown off today.

The girl who I thought was the ugliest person inside and out was actually very gorgeous and pretty, and not ugly at all. She's nice, sweet, and overall a person who isn't capable of doing what I posted in a couple blogs ago. anyone is capable of anything.

The girl who I thought would never do something stupid, actually did something stupid. She is allegedly pregnant at 14 and fucked in the bed of my other friend, and got blood on her mattress. You're only as dirty as the things you do.

The girl who I thought was the strongest person in the world...crumbled. Even a superhero needs help sometimes.


The boy who I thought was really cute, was a gay guy that roleplayed with me on my forum and had a picture on this forum. I tracked the picture back to its previous location and I find out that its just a fake picture. It's actually an emo kid who is in an album called "hot emo guys". On the internet, anyone can be anyone.

The boy who I thought would always love having me as a friend blew up at me and detests my other friend. If you stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling truths about you.

The boy who I thought would be disgusted with me turned out to care a lot about me and brought up a great point about the previous "boy". Listening to both parts of a story can help make the story's two parts come together.

And there's more stuff! Like...

a girl being outcasted because she inadvertently invited her friend's ex-boyfriend to her get-together. Sloppy seconds...

a girl whose afraid to say to the person that disrespected her what she really feels because she's afraid of losing her. Never fear losing anybody but yourself.

a boy who never listens to the person who guides him so well and had to be mentally bitch slapped in the face to get the realization of the animosities in his life. Learn from your past mistakes...

If it's killing you to know who any of these people are, I'll at least tell you one of them. The last boy mentioned in this blog, is me. I've been blinded by the fact that I care too much and is able to see the good in everybody that I actually also see the bad and care too much for that too. A wise person told me that earlier today. I don't know what I'm gonna do. My balance is thrown off whack and to top it off, my sister just found out that I'm gay and can't be settled easy by it. WTF? She found out like in October that I'm bi. Why would it matter is I'm gay? She told me that her perspective has changed. And I'll conform to this quote...FML. Fuck my life. ATM. At the moment.

dancing 'til you dropped dead

It was Prom yesterday. It was one of the most amazing nights in my life! I danced to some crazy music, took A LOT of pics with cool ass friends, drove in a limo to places that made me feel like I meant something, and ate out at Denny's at 2! My life that night made me feel rejuvenated with fun and laughter. I stood out until 2:41 AM! Anyways, here is me and my prom date. I'll never be able to convey a portrait of intense and immense happiness, but here's my shot. Enjoy. :]





I cannot wait until next year. This year was a blast and I wished it never ended. I would do it again in a heartbeat. OH! There was a mosh pit for "Dance, Dance". I will never forget that! lmfao.

she should have won it.

This blog is dedicated to my most favorite America's Next Top Model contestant, Allison Harvard a.k.a Creepy-chan, although I don't call her that, and it is to honor her beauty and my fascination with her. Tyra Banks cheated this girl out of it. It is proven that EVERY third cycle of America's Next Top Model that an African-American girl wins. It's true; I'll prove it. Third cycle, Eva Pigford. Sixth cycle, Danielle Evans. Ninth cycle, Saliesha Stowers. Twelfth cycle, Teyona Anderson. I'm just fed up with the way the cycles go. The girl that clearly deserves it, doesn't get it. But...I'm gonna stick it out for the 13th cycle. The 13th cycle will feature only 5'7" models and shorter. Let's see who'll win that cycle. Without further ado, Allison.

























[Her covergirl shot will be here soon. All credit to ALL ANTM]

"JEALOUSSSSSSSSSSS."

conformity, at its fuckin' worst.

Good news :]

My mom and dad was in the same room for like 10 minutes without killing each other. We went to

WALL TO WALL mart

and got my mommy one of the sweetest cards ever and all signed it; it was great. But I digress...the conformity I'm talking about doesn't have to deal with Mother's Day, although we conformed to buying her a gift.

FACT: AMERICA HAS MADE US THINK THAT SPENDING MONEY SHOWS AFFECTION.

Nigga, I gave my mom a 30 minute massage. That's love and I didn't have to give her a cent because I gave her my love and I gave her happiness. (Although massaging her kinks gave her the "jizz" face. You know...that *uhhhh* face?)

Anyways, are you familiar with the store Rue 21?

Its a chic and fashionable store that sells clothes, scents, accesories and other stuff and it has a unique girl section and a very [insert synonymic word for unique here], but limited guys section. The store is like 75% girls and 25% guys.

Anyways....I do madd of my shopping there. About a year ago, my friends thought the clothes that I got there (aka slimming jeans and graphics tees) were not fashionable. Baggy clothes were. And so in the contemporary day, most of my friends, all the already-conformed breakdancing ones, now shop at Rue 21. I'm a little aggravated. :/

the mothers day that isn't.

Mother's day.
What a joke.
I love my mother, but if it weren't for her gambling addiction, then I wouldn't have to mourn today.

The reason why I referred to the gambling addiction is because my dad and mom argued for the last time I think. My mom wanted to go to her "friend's house" to pick up some money they owed her, but my dad knew it was a lie. She was going to gamble; even I knew it. A month ago, she said the same thing. She left at 6 PM and came back at 5 AM and tried to ask my sister to open the door for her, as she was locked out the house. My dad, already perceptive, slept on the couch and waited for his wife. When my sister was called, who was asleep by the way, to open the door, she came downstairs and opened the door. My mom went inside and then was sat down by my dad. He gave her a clear warning to not lie and never to do that again.

I always thought my dad was a crazy, insane, unstable person, but really he's just a misunderstood, old, medication-taking, loving person, who I've misjudged due to my inability to see past my mom's sensitive side. Dads are always the "mean" ones.

Anyways, she tried to pull the same stunt as she did before, but my dad wasn't going to allow it. After bickering and fighting for almost an hour, my mom raced to her room and tried to get ready, but my dad impeded her departure. He said, "IF GAMBLING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FAMILY, YOU CAN LEAVE. BUT DON'T COME BACK BECAUSE I WILL DIVORCE YOU!"

She was about to leave. She didn't.

I've never seen this side of my parents before. And I listened to their arguments and I always sided with my mom, becuase it seemed like she was always the victim in this situation, but now, I'm siding with my dad. My mom is tearing our family apart with her gambling. It's because of her that my sister and I have depleting social lives. It's because of her that my dad might be wifeless. It's because of her that I recently know that she has gambling debts and that she's gonna be addicted to the point of an inescapable void. I fear for her, my family, and today.

Earlier, before I went to buy my prom dress shirt, my dad was trying to show that he loves her. He went to her job, which was coincidentally near the mall I was about to shop at, and offered to buy her lunch. I called her and she replied, "I don't want anything from you guys."

I've never felt such unresolved feelings toward my mom. If she can't see the good that her family is trying to restore, and can only see her altruistic form of income, then we're fucked. We, the family, is fucked.

I can't live without two parents. It's not possible. All I know is that today is Mother's Day and there better be something short of a miracle to convince my mom to swallow her big ass pride pill and mend the broken pieces she has made into a family again.

...And so much for my previous blog. That was a lot of fun while it lasted. Though for some odd reason...I'm fine with my stance. I'm okay siding with my dad instead of my mom. Something tells me that I'm on the right side when it comes to the "last fight".

chicks, dicks and porno flicks.

I'm lovin' me and I'm lovin' the fun that life is bringing me. :]


LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH. LIFE.

PEACE. HOLLA. DUECES. OUT.

NEVERs and ruining your plans.

All I asked was "Mom, what drying setting do I need to put for my clothes? Normal or More Dry?"

And she blows up at me!

"YOU NEVER PUT IT ON NORMAL DRY OR MORE DRY; YOU PUT IT ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE WITH THE TIMES!"

So basically Im a fuck up to my mom becuase I messed up on my clothes? She called me incompetent, forgetful, stupid and lazy in Khmer, which is Cambodian, my native language. It's so hard being the child of an Asian family. Nothing you ever do is right.

never putting it on Normal or More dry again. I hate the daveyy-mother fights. she always wins.


ANYWAYS....

I think shes upset that one of the alliSONS in my other post got sent home; I won't tell you which one. I'm just glad that the Allison I wanted stayed :]

And apparently I have to retire my laptop upstairs at 10:30 PM.


Parents ruin your plans.

sandy, didya know pigs fly?

Peggy Sue- Fever [not written to key]
Fever....when you kiss me.
Fever....when you hold me.
Fever....when you put your arms around me.
Fever....when you hold me tight.

Fever....when you sizzle.

What a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.


You know...people said when we finally had a president, pigs would fly.
And what do you know....present day....SWINE FLU.


Oh shit; that was funny. No lie. The negative hype and mass hysteria is pissing me off. I know its a pandemic which has killed and people are very sick, but not every cough and sneeze is swine flu.

I know that my friends Devin, Jocelyn, Liv and LeShay were gonna put on the surgeon masks and wear one color and act like were in a quarantine....shiet; it sounds fun just thinking about it.

havent blogged in forever.
ill start up again lovers. :]

poke key man

HI GUYS! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?



You're probably like..."Pokemon? What does Pokemon have to do with a blog?"



Now you're probably looking like this...
Am I right?
Well, regardless, here is why I'm doing such an energy/fun-having entry.


I'm tired of feeling like ^THIS^. It's just a waste of time, you know?



I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good looking or I don't measure up.



And I'm tired of drama and people gossiping about each other or about useless topics.



WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?!?!



From now on, I'll try to look at the brighter sides of things. I'll try to have a smile on my face and I'll try to show my quirkiness and pizazz. :]



Now if you will please excuse me, I have to use some of my skills to finish some of the last homework assignments of my favorite class ever; US History Honors :]



Until next time! Goodbye, my friends!

Split Second Agility

IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO

accuse you of anything [comma]

IT IS ALSO THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME THAT

allowed you to demote me as a friend [comma]

AND IT IS ALSO THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK

for me to go behind your back, snap your neck and watch you fall to the floor.


It irks me. How can two people so close grow apart so fast? I guess split second agility just explains it. I have split second agility. You probably have split second agility. To determine that you have this alleged SSA, you'll need to first notice the signs, with top speed. For example, noticing signs, or hints that indicate something happening, really fast or knowing something right off the top of your head, means you have SSA. I just can tell that I'm in for a rude awakening. My SSA tells me so.

detras.

detras in spanish is, behind.

A lot of people do stuff from behind.
They cross their fingers, have anal sex, backstab, talk crap and give dirty looks. Well, in some way.

Bottom line, as of right now, the world....my world needs a rehabilitation. We need to CEASE this "detras" stuff immediately or else.

The reason that Im writing this blog is that...no matter how hard I try; I know that my world will be filled with nothing but drama; good or bad. All I can say is...

TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.

And if you think you can honestly trust someone else, trust that you can trust them.

But just know, ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING. The entrusted trustee can do anything "detras" your back.

If only I could detox and go into a social rehab, I'd be okay. Those stupid, negative, mood-detrimental bitches....I hate them all. I can only stand to look at selected few. You know those people? The people you trust to be entrusted with your trust. The ones you can count on...most of the time. The ones that do their best to try to be there. The ones that'll slip away as time goes on. I'll say it once and I'll say it again...I need a social rehab; to align my stars and straighten out my priorities and check WHO I can trust or not trust.

Next social rehabs: Prom. Camp Pathfinder Island. Summer Vacation. College. Prom Camp Summer College...here I come.

Please.....God, help me through this time of need. If I don't believe in Jesus, how can I believe in "hope"? I need...trust. Badly.

SATIMS

You know what the fuck SATIMS are?

Stupid Ass Tricks Instigating Madd Shit

Do you know what I can't stand? I can't stand people that start shit, instigate shit and then involve people that you love/care about into shit. I am so fed up with drama. Let's just say I have this friend, right? The fact of the matter is that I am becoming so damn impatient with this friend that Im being blinded the fact that he is a good person whos being wrapped up in crazy ass drama and its pissing me the hell off. I take almost all the stuff I said about this person back. The fact of the matter is that...this person IS NOT bad. Its the choices and paths he takes is bad. You could probably relate to this situation. Its like a person entangled in twine that they cannot escape from and no matter how much you try to help them or help them breathe, they just get more entrapped.

Anyways...let me go over what's making me mad.

This person has a particular other who associates with the wrong crowd. This P.O has no fucking life and has to ruin others to have a subconscious high. Do you know what this P.O does? She's an obsessive compulsive bitch who lets others run her life and also makes bad choices. The fact that she can involve her ex-boyfriend, her friends, her enemies and my sister into her problems and drama annoys and pisses me off to no end.

Im not gonna put her business out, but I will put my business out. If the sound waves of drama echo into the lives of other people, its wrong. If the destruction one thing causes escalates to the lives of other people, its wrong. If the words you say travel to other people, ITS WRONG. And do you know what else is wrong? The fact that you are OBLIVIOUS to the damn muthafuckin' fact that its doing all of this, is WRONG. I got one thing to say to you, you god damn SATIMS, and that is "WAKE THE FUCK UP and SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT".

I know you won't even read this. I know you dont even know me well. I know you, due to the combination of the other two, wont even know I had a blog. And that's still sad because how can someone you barely even know, know/experience/hear/get insight on soooooo much drama? Tell me that, you SATIMS, PO.....whatever.

I just have one last thing to say. If my sister is ever called by your ass again to see where your ex-boyfriend is, or if I hear anymore drama that affects anyone in my group of friends, or if I know somethings going down, be prepared to get your shit rocked. And by shit being rocked, I mean your mind being subliminally face-fucked by my words. And if you knew me or my friends that you fucked with at all...youd know that I am not scared to cuss anyone out and Im not scared to confront anyone who messes with the ones I love.

Dueces.

shotgun weddings

How many people do you know have had sex?
How many people do you know have used condoms?
Now for a question that poses more of a thought process...

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW HAVE HAD SEX WITH A CONDOM AND HAD THE CONDOM BREAK?

I know three situations like this and I think its just sad that something so fun and pleasureful could have such dire consequences. And the fact that a pregnancy could occur makes me go: >;O

The two other cases have been between adults. People that were 18 and older but the last situation scares me the most.

This situation is between 17 year olds. I mean, 17 is an age where you can start making your own decisions, but pregnancy at 17 is still scary.

So, anyways....these two have been going out for two years on and off. No one knows if its love or lust but if sex is in the equation, then there must be some trust and attraction.

Today at the mall, it was reported that the girl started feeling nauseous and felt like throwing up. Alas...she did and then she told my sister "I think I'm pregnant."

Im not jumping to any conclusions but if she doesn't have her period soon or if she feels like this often...then i don't know what id do.

Im more close to the guy, regardless of what I've said, and if he becomes a daddy at such a contorted age...I don't know what I'd do.



....I don't know what I'd do. :/

Pariah

I'm fascinated with this word.
It means outcast or someone who is despised.
The reason why I'm fascinated is because I thought I was one.

On April 18th, I semi-participated in Day Of Silence. I stopped NOT talking after fourth period becuase my US History teacher MADE me participate in the class discussion. And then it was lunch....and then I was like...FUCK IT. I'm pro-gay and anyone who is LGBQT has my support. I kept the sign taped on my chest though. <3

Anyways, during my 4th period class, art, I told five unknowing people I was gay. [Shamar, Shaiquan, Keanna, Nadia, and Louis] The questions they asked were "happy to be answered".
"How do you know?"
"Have you ever tried anything with guys?"
"Have you had a boyfriend?"

And then comments like
"You're too cute to be gay!"
"You should be at School Of The Arts because you're very artistic and gay."
"You touch on girl's butts too much to be gay."

At that moment, after everyone asked/said to me what they wanted, they didn't budge. There's always that ONE person that budges and doesn't wanna be your friend anymore, but these people....friends didn't budge. I do love them all in a friend way. I'm not extremely close to them but I am close. Thanks for not budging.

But what I have to say is that one of the people I was close to budged. This bitch...
One night when we were on the phone, he told me "I don't like gay niggas." So I was hesitant to tell him. It wasn't until the rumor that I had gone out with another guy at school was spread that he found out. But now, the only time he "talks" to me is in Breakfast, where all my other friends sit. Nothing is ever said or replied in the hallways and I recently cut him off without telling him. Fuck him and fuck others who can't support friends whose sexual orientation are different.

Anyways...next story. On April 18th, I went to this one party. Volleyball, partying and a hella good time at this one party. There's always that ONE person who's a party crasher and a party pooper. The party host invited this one guy that's not in our age range and knew that him and I had our differences. I guess friendship triumphs over problems. He didn't do anything major to make me think indifferent of him but I don't like his presence. That was the party crasher. The party pooper was this semi-bipolar, semi-conformist friend who kinda dulled the party. I call him conformist because he breakdances now. I have nothing against breakdancing...I even think its the coolest thing to watch, but the fact that he only does it because his friends do it irks me. He does it also because he's starting to love it, so who am I to say he's semi-conformist or that he doesn't love it? His Rock Band 2 disc got scratched in the console and it doesn't work now. I'd be pissed too, but for you to yell at people who just picked it up and started playing, is wrong. Which was me, and four others, alternating Rock Band. Its a fun game. Anyways, his character/personality irks me. Regardless of the conformity and the bipolarity, his "cliche boy" persona piques me more. The "cliche boy" is the boy who either likes to sleep with all the girls or likes to hit on all the girls he sees. This person is a cliche boy in my book. Every party I've gone to, he's hit on a girl. And so we spent the night and he previously told me he was going to "cuddle up with a female", and he fulfilled what he told me. He slept/cuddled next to one of my good friends who now is the epitome of the rumors of that party. She said its nothing to worry about but if a cliche boy cannot see what he is doing...then I have no choice but to disapprove of what he's doing. And it sucks because I can't believe he did it after all the girl problems he's come to me with. Why is the cliche boy a masochist? It's just hypocritical.

This makes me feel like a bad friend. Who am I to say, you can't do this and you can't be that and you're doing this and you're doing that? I'm no one to say that. But the fact that contradictions and hypocrisy is present in your persona...questions my views on you...immensely.

Taboo.

So I was in Spanish and I said the word...."nigga".

I was called out by this girl named Shaniqua.

And so I asked "Does anyone have a problem with me saying that word?"

And no one raised their hand except for Shanqiua.

But then she said I can say whatever I wanted because it doesn't offend her....anymore.

Weird...



OH AND I BLAME MY SCRAP, RONNIE, FOR GETTING "WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG" STUCK IN MY HEAD.
YOU SUCK, SCRAP! :P (And you also suck for getting Jai Ho stuck in head that one week. lmfao)

he grabs her hands.

I was trying to catch my bus after school, and because it wasn't in the back of the bus loop, I had to walk my butt all the way up the front. And as I was walking up to the front, so many couples passed me.

Jon & Brittany.

Ian & Rose.

Mark & Jasmine.

George & Laura.

Some more miscellaneous couples.

I envy them.

I envy the fact that I won't have a regular relationship as long as I'm in high school. I understand that my life hasn't started yet but is there anyone out there willing to give me a sign that I might find someone....soon?

I'm just....a teenage boy who needs some lovin' in his life and nowhere in the story does it say, he grabs HIS hands.

....You wanna know the worst part? It sucks that the person I thought I was gonna be with, is going out with someone else. This person is great, looks and personality, from what I can tell. It's a rock and a hard spot. I don't wanna ruin our friendship, and I'm sooo sooo happy for him; that's why I won't say anything. Not that I have anything negative to say. It's frustrating as a bitch...How do you tell the person you have extreme feelings you have feelings for them? And there are other guys...trust me, but I would only want them for sex...and that's not me. I wouldn't go out with someone just because they can give me sex. It's immoral and unethical.


So here I am. Alone. And discontent. And loveless. Yay me...

crushcrushcrush

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
CrushCrushCrush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
CrushCrushCrush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, honey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, honey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
Give me something to sing about
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
No, oh
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
More than this

This song was stuck in my head. Creativity at the max? Never, the max. Just creative. :] I'm feeling a bunches better. And I cannot wait for future events :]

Many People Touching Balls

I am furious, sad, angry, aloof, discontent, heartbroken, guilt-ridden and remorseful. Everything other than HAPPY.

I don't understand why I argue with my mom and think I can win.

Things have changed these past years. I always thought my dad was evil. He never let me do anything, he never let me go anywhere and keep in mind that I was ANTI-dad back then. My mom had to back me up for everything I did. I was PRO-mom. But now the tables have changed. My dad is more lenient, and until a couple years ago, it started to become more of a "Oh, you're growing up to be a big boy. You need your freedom." thing and I liked the idea. I was getting used to to the fact that I had freedom. My mom, however, is starting to act like she has a pole stuck up her ass. She gambles at nights at a time and works way too much. I understand that she needs her fun too but when you can't SPARE two hours for your 4 kids, you have a problem.

From Sunday, I told my mom in advance that we were going bowling on FRIDAY, the four of us and 4 other friends, and she agreed. She likes it when I tell her in advance about my plans. And so, today is Friday. She comes home from another "fun-filled" gambling rendezvous at 11 something and sleeps. She is cranky, and tired, and she told me she lost all her winnings. I'm sorry that she is cranky, tired, and lost all her winnings. I am sympathetic and I told her she should go bowling with us to relieve stress. She declines.

So, then I get a phone call from my friend and she goes "DUDE, WE CAN'T GO TO THE BOWLING ALLEY WE WANTED TO! WE NEED AN ADULT OVER 21 TO BOWL WITH US OR WE WON'T GET IN!" So I rush back to my mom and I go "Mom, you have to come with us to bowling and can't drop us off alone." And she was like "FORGET IT!" So, I took time out of the time we were supposed to be at the bowling alley and found another one the "same" distance as the one we were supposed to go to. And she goes "NO, IT'S TOO LATE! LOOK AT THE TIME! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAN ANYTHING TOO LATE AND IM NOT DRIVING ALL THE WAY OUT TO GATES." So, I told her... "THAT'S NOT FAIR. HOW COME YOU CAN GAMBLE ALL NIGHT LONG AND NOT SPARE TWO HOURS FOR YOUR FOUR KIDS?!" And she goes, "I MAKE ALL THE MONEY FOR THIS FAMILY. I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE PLANS THIS LATE AND ITS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU MESSED UP YOUR OWN PLANS." And then I go "BUT IF YOU WERE GONNA TAKE US BOWLING TODAY ANYWAYS, WHY NOT GO TO THE OTEHR BOWLING ALLEY?" She goes, "BECAUSE ITS TOO FAR, TOO LATE, TOO EXPENSIVE AND YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MOUTH TO BE YELLING AT ME," I was regretfully yelling at her. "NOW IF YOU DONT DO WHAT I SAY, GIVE ME BACK THE 40 DOLLARS! (the amount she gave us for bowling which wasn't enough)" And I stood up, shot the 40 bucks on the floor, kicked it and said "TAKE IT!" And I rushed to my room and slammed my door.

I never felt so emotional like this. I feel bad that I yelled and disrespected my mom but can you blame me? I look at everything as an equal becuase I am an unofficial egalitarian, so I don't see why TWO HOURS (7-9pm) would be such a problem. 120 minutes, for god's sake. I wish she could just...i dont know. I don't have a solution for this. I usually have solutions. Lately, I don't. :[ Lately, my whole life feels like a black hole and there's no getting out. I feel like crap and I need some fun so because I couldn't go bowling with my friends, another bit of happiness was taken away from me.

Lastly if there's one thing I would want to say to my mom, its: "I'm sorry and all of the above, but I wish you could see that you took another chunk of happiness away from me and still left my guilt-ridden because you took it."

....wow. Call me a contradictory person, but I feel so worthless for writing my thoughts :[

Ni Hao.

Today as I was walking home a bus of teenagers drove past me. On this rarely "nice" day in Rochester, the bus had its window open and this realy ignorant person shouted out "NI HAO!"

I laughed at it then and I laugh at it now.

How can people still be this ignorant?

Genie

On April 4th, 2009, I got plastered. If you don't know what that means, it means I got "drunk".

OMFG....YOU'RE 16....WHY ARE YOU DRINKING?

OMFG....Why do you care?

I read in my scrap's blog..."A true friend would know somethings wrong in a minute." I was mad that no one could figure out what was wrong with me. Can no one feel that something was wrong? I mean, yeah, I faked it for a month and no one could figure it out or stop me and say "Hey...is everything all right?" I know no one's perfect and I know I have many friends, but I felt so alone. My facade was held up because I hate burdening people. But look what happens when I drink...I burden people.

It was a Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Mojito. 5 proof. Drunk the whole 1 liter bottle.
It all started when my friend, who's name I will not disclose, was upset. She was really upset. I tried everything to help her, but she didn't "let me in" or need me. I was always the person people came to, but lately....no one ever does. Anyways, there was this party. Everyone was like..."GO GO GO!" And I was like..."NO NO NO". I had to help her out. It's my nature to help people in need out. Plus the party was 10 dollars to get in and extra for food and stuff. I was like..."Oh hell no." So, as she was being upset, I declined the party. It was not that big of a deal...I didn't feel like going anyways. But thats not the point. The point is...her boyfriend showed up. I support love. If someone makes you happy, then I'm happy. I know on a scale, I could never match up to a boyfriend of 8 months. Her boyfriend cheered her up in minutes. Something I had been trying to do for about an hour. It just made me feel like crap. (Because I also missed the party, the grinding, the friends and the music, and I also couldnt help her)

Everything else was making me feel like crap. School, love, family, money, college...it was all rushing in on me. So when her boyfriend entered in with drinks...I was aloof. I didn't care.

I took the bottle and sucked it up. I ended up being red and buzzed. It wasn't a mistake. I don't regret it.

I thank my friend Kenny and my cousin Tommy for helping me out and letting me cry and stuff when I was in that state. I don't remember what I said but they told me I really put myself down. I called myself fat, ugly, lonely, worthless and that I tried to hit on them. So in that book...I'm a sad pervert. [haha....play on words]

I don't know if I'll ever do it again...because hangovers arent fun and feeling like everyone hates you because you drink isn't fun either.

I just wish my life could be happy again. I need it to be happy again. I don't know why I'm letting this depression get to me, but I have to make it stop. Or else...

Im happy now, but I don't know when it'll last. Fuck the fuckin' teenage years that fuck us up.

*shrugs* Where's my three wishes, genie?

I am light.

I said something really sad in my last blog.

My blog is not supposed to be sad and to leave that blog on my page for everyone to see is kind of embarrassing.

So, this "cloaking" shroud of a blog will protect the other blog from being shown publicly on today, April 3rd, 2009.

OH AND YESTERDAY WAS MY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF BLOGGING!

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

And this line is from Charmed, Season 1, Is there a woogy in the house?
I changed it around to fit my blog.

Wishing I Could Turn Back Time.

Sex is human nature.

Everyone knows this.

Regardless, if you don't have it or haven't had it, the hormones in your body start to kick rapidly and then begin to release and escape in the form of erections and French kisses. Am I right?
Anyways, it can be maturely say that I, a sixteen year old teenage boy wants to have sex, badly.
I coin the term "sexually miserable" although I'm clearly sexually frustrated.

I wish I could have it...so bad. But, because of the past, I can't have it. I feel remorse and regret for what happened, and I feel like shit. You don't know what it feels like to feel impure after your purity has been taken away. Don't jump to conclusions nor think less of me, but I'm taking care of myself. I know that soon, I can have it, but it might be too late to have it with the person I infatuate the most.

Lust has overcome me. I'm falling heads over heels for someone I shouldn't and it hurts because if I feel for this person, then I'll be attached to them, and I don't wanna ruin friendship.
I've done memorable things with this person. I love the taste of their lips and I love the taste of their "nether region". I just wish that my heart didn't break every time he smiles because when he smiles it makes me happy and I know that, at any moment, that happiness can go away.

And I think because I hurt him today, it has. :[

My only wish is to redo the past. Undo time and live life happily. But as of right now, I can't. I need clarity and a friend, and right now, I don't have that.

April Fools.

Today, the freshmen were active. Playing tricks on most of the teachers and being youthful. It makes me happy that we still can have fun in the world! haha. I don't know what that means.
I think I'm gonna put my newly acquired old generation 4G iPod and put it on shuffle and take quotes from it. 20. That should fill up the blog page quickly.

"Sounds gangster, I'm game sir, we'll play the town prankster." Jupiter Rising- Electropop.

"I can hardly relax or even oversleep." Owl City- The Saltwater Room.

"She put the moves on me, I coulda swore shawty's a wrestler." The Dream- Falsetto.

"It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart." Shakira- Illegal.

"First of all, let me say, you can't accuse me of all the things you know that you are guilty of." Keyshia Cole- I Should Have Cheated.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies...it's compromise." Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved.

"Run baby run...don't ever look back." We The Kings- Check Yes Juliet.

"Kiss my eyes and lay to me sleep..." AFI- Prelude 12/21.

"I envy you, for being you." Fallout Boy- A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me.

"When I'm in your arms, it turns me on." Nightmare Of You- My Name Is Trouble.

10 already?

"The neighbors said she moved away...funny how it rained all day." All Time Low- Remembering Sunday.

"So much ice, his neck and wrist froze." Mario Vasquez- Gallery.

"Even an angel can end up falling." September- Satellites.

"Caviar and cigarettes." Queen- Killer Queen.

"She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter." Click 5- Just The Girl.

"But she's touching his...chest now...she takes off her dress now." The Killers- Mr. Brightside.

"Come on baby, we ain't gonna live forever!" The Veronicas- 4ever.

"She was a heartbreaker, glad I never ever had no kids with her." Tank- Heartbreaker.

"Would you still love me so or would you turn me off your stereo?" Cash Cash- Radio.

"While the heat from in their pockets could burn marks into their legs." The Faint- Worked Up So Sexual.

Wow. That was fun....must do again. Must must do again. lmfao.

Are your parents terrorists?

Cause baby, you're the bomb!

Several questions:

Is consensual rape an oxymoron?
Because you can't rape the willing....

Why is it that the people with the most pride are the ones that contradict themselves the most?
An almost Cambodian American person who's personal page is full of cambodian pride (flag, song player, background, paragraphs worths) has a defaulted picture with his fingers in the LAO formation. I usually don't care about this stuff but its a big contradiction and it just bothers me. I don't care what you have pride in, but just make sure you can back it up.

Why are advertisers so smart?
If you don't already know, Danimals yogurt came out with the "crush cups" in which you don't need a spoon to eat the yogurt. By mearly "squeezing" the sides of the cup, yogurt flows to the top, thus satisfying our eager hearts, because we all want to break things and we all want to eat things. I just had my first crush cup and it was...not what I expected. I bought a four pack for a dollar. Not that bad. And the cup is like a tea party cup, but a little smaller. Not only does it require squeezing hard at times but yogurt gets stuck at the bottom. (not cool)

Lastly...If a big tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
I think so! This question just randomly popped into my head while I was in the lunch line today....weird.

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

I have an slight addiction to anime series and a subtle obsession of television series. I cannot continue with anything unless I watch the series in order and if anything is spoiled to me, I will feel really disappointed.

Anime series I'm watching: Bleach.
Television series, respectively: Charmed.

I am watching these shows at the same time, while still trying to maintain Dollhouse, Real World: Brooklyn, and I Love Money 2. And on April 8th, The Duel 2 on MTV is coming on. Also, America's Next Top Model and American Idol is being kept on a weekly basis and Survivor: Tocantins still needs to be updated.

I am a TV addict....and the sad part is the fact that I watch them all ONLINE.
Sad? I think just a little bit.

I have so much time on my hands. I remember I finished Buffy and Angel in 3 months. It was a disc set. And keep in mind that Buffy had 7 seasons and Angel had 5. I have TOO much time on my hands.

I also finished The O.C, which was also amazing. :]

Oh my god...I'm being turned on technology and television shows.

Euphoria.

Listing all the great things I did today.

I think I did well on both my tests in physics and geometry/trig.
Was named MVP of defense in floor hockey
Was complimented on my asking of questions at an AP conference.
Learned a new word.
Finished my powerpoint project.
Participate in a play/musical and had fun while was given props for playing the character up.
Took a shower after sweating in that horrid auditorium.
And last but not least, I got lucky. Can you say...fellatio?

Anyways, I'm clean, and not sweaty, and I'm hungry. Imma go buy something from the corner store...
Until then... <3

Jesus shook my orange juice.

Uhm, the title is a quote I recently said.
I drink at least one 4 oz orange juice a day. Sometimes its sweet, sometimes its bitter, sometimes its warm, sometimes it makes me fart...but anyways, I love orange juice. [SUNCUP brand. I think its imported from Brazil]

Anyways, I wanted to talk about something. I wanna talk about how when my friends cry, I cry. I want to talk about people who think its all right to include themselves into other people's business. I want to talk about people who have no affiliation with whoever whatsoever think its all right to make decisions for people who don't want their input on anything. I want to talk about friendships that die after a friend or you learned something of the other and stopped being friends. I want to talk about people who push your buttons, and after they push them all, they think its okay to do it again. I want to talk about people who interpret shit wrong and then causes drama and other things to happen. I want to talk about how its easy to get mad at the people you love. I want to talk about how you say one thing, but mean another. I wanna talk about you being so fake, and how, its so stupid that you have to put a facade on to hide how you feel about everyone around you. I want to talk about how...I can't look at you the same anymore.

Everytime I hear your problems, it makes me wanna cry. How can someone so genuine and so nice and so beautiful be so miserable, distraught and depressed? It doesn't make any sense. You shined so much light on my life and it hurts to know I can't do the same. Only if you stopped crying, I would cry. I love you, in every sense, because you deserve love right now. <3

If you aint in the AB, ABC, or ABCD conversation, and each of these letters represent a person in a convo, THEN GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY BUSINESS.

Again, reiterating my last topic, if you are not a part of anything that doesn't have to do with you, back the fuck up and let the people running it do their job.

If you and a friend were friends, on any level, and then you heard something about them or you learned something about them, and it was negative, and you decide to drop them as a friend...you are scum. It doesn't matter how they are, or what they are, if you can't even look them in the face and see how letting them go as a friend, hurt them, you are scum.

I have this friend. His mother is a "bitch" most of the times. But although she has authority, she doesn't know how to use it. I mean...who is that destructive to their son? If you love someone, regardless, nothing should matter and you should treat them finely.

"Fucking bitches these days". Interpret that. And tell me that it isn't ambiguous or vague. It could be towards a group of people, or a single person directed to a group or it could be you. In any case, don't assume anything. When you assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Quote: "It's always easy to get mad at the people you love." I don't know who said it...but I agree 100%.

When you say one thing and you do or mean another, you are the biggest "contradict" in the world. I hope you can carry the weight of the world on your rusty ass shoulders bitch.

Although you really don't "blog" per say, you'll never read this. I think you're too full of yourself to read, truth or fiction. And you are scum and a rusty bitch so it doesn't matter.

I can't look at you anymore. I tried...I just can't.

fuckin' bible pushers.

Okay...I feel special.

THIS IS MY FIRST OFFICIAL RANT.

Anyways, today, in my last period, Spanish 4Honors, I randomly read something about this painting of the seven deadly sins. So then I asked my group, "Hey guys...if the seven deadly sins are part of Christianity and people who preach Jesus and such have PRIDE, one of the seven deadly sins, are they committing sins?"

Everyone seemed to be listening in the class of 14.

I go to a predominantly Christian school, but there isn't much enforcement. There is the notorious bible pusher who seems to be a suck-up and no one likes, a married Conservative couple who think cynically about gay and premarital topics, and then there's this spiritual female who stands up for EVERYTHING she believes in. Honestly, there was an AP conference I heard about and she had the audacity to state her name and school and tell the speech-giver that they were racist. Inappropriate race-card pulling moment.

I had class with the IRCP girl and she stared me down really hard. My friend had to text me to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

Honestly, I couldn't care whether your religion was Satanism or if you were a Republican. I don't care. I don't judge and I don't have too much pride in anything because PRIDE IS A PILL YOU SOMETIMES CAN'T SWALLOW. If someone has the audacity to think what I say is wrong, I would like them to say so, so I can either say "SHUT THE FUCK UP" or "I'm sorry, my mistake", because being stared on for what I can say is the same thing as me staring you down for being a bible pusher...

im hot; youre cold

simply put....

im hungry.

my blog will not be abandoned and i dont think there ever is a time to DAILY write in a blog.

so yeah....

oh and i dont have a music player. i wish i did.
im very miserable without one....

and kissing and fucking sound sooo good right now.

this is random.

and "i can never look in your face the same".


i wanna do tennis after this week.
"I MAY LIKE MY CHARDONNAY BUT I WILL NOT DIE ALONE, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY TO YOU".

alliSONS

First thing I want to say is: Allison Harvard and Allison Iraheta. Two of my favorite girls on TV! On Wednesday, I look forward to America's Next Top Model 12 and American Idol (results) and my two favorite girls were in the bottom two/three! What the hell is this? Gladly, Harvard was saved. But I'm watching American Idol now, and I have faith that Iraheta will stay :]

Scrap, I love you. You don't need people that will just keep you in opposition and "the dumps" because you are a strong person and no one can bring you down. [except for me! LMFAO. INSIDER] But yeah, I hate to say it but fuck 'em. I don't know if they can sense what they're doing to you, but if they can't, screw them.

And I read that one of my "friends" still can't afford college. I hope you get to go college.
DOT. DOT. DOT.

Hug.

This blog is dedicated to two people.

The first person...you know who you are.
The person that I sorta miss but dont know.
The person that kinda left me tehre but doesn't seem like it.
The person I was infatuated with.
If you read this...give me a hug.
Unexpectedly, come up and give me a hug.
And although others might not like this, I very much would.
I'm starting to miss us being friends.

The second person...you know who you are.
My homie, my scrap, my bestfrannnn, and my coolie.
You are worrying me.
You usually are online and stuff but I think today something must've happened.
I'm worrying because your BLACKberry is like...your baby.
Why would your baby not show you're online?
Could it be the demonic lovable mother or the anxiety caused by someone else?
Talk to me scrapdoodle, and I'll give you...a hug.

Rope length

Everyone I love or is dear to me is an inch of rope.
This rope usually is used in a tug-of-war match with my family, jump rope with my friends, and a restraint for my school work so I can focus, but lately...this rope has been tied around my neck.

And every problem or sadness or disruption causes my rope to go up towards the sky. It all like a simile really. My friends and their happiness goes up in flames as my rope goes up towards the sky.

I feel hopeless. I'm like in a Jigsaw trap, especially like in Saw 5. People are bound at their necks reaching for a way to get out of this situation. And every time they try to grab the key and find a way out, I'm watching them struggle. And I can feel their pain... And its heart-wrenching.

I cannot believe I am powerless to do anything. I've tried...believe me. How do you help someone when the more you know, the less you can help?

OOPS!

How could I forget to blog everyday?!

Its horrible.

Oh well....As soon as I get my grades back up, I'll start to blog again.

Or if something totally BIG happens.

:] Later.

Insomnia

I havent written my prom fan fiction in a while.
Once I get all my work done, I'll start to write it.
Prom is in 3 months and I have a date.
And I feel like crap because I haven't been sleeping well.
I think that there is someone who is keeping me awake.
...and the more I think about it, the more I want to sleep.

But the question is...how do you sleep when the same someone is on your mind and is keeping you awake?

My knees

I was in Tae Kwon Do class yesterday and we had to jump onto this padded pole and over this platform and land and roll. I did it on my first try but it "broke" my knees. My knees hurt so so bad! Since I'm Asian American, my parents know where were the nearest oriental market was and bought therapeutic heat patches. They work so well. I can feel the heat on my knees right now. Bad part...I kind of have hairy legs and the patch is adhesive so....when I have to take it off, it'll hurt like a bitch and my leg hairs might be taken off.

And I had to walk up and around flights of stairs today too....OH NO.



Speaking of my knees, I'm horny. No, I won't do shit on my knees but I would like to have someone to make them tremble or something....something.

When you see my face...

HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL, HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL.

Anyways, I'm single. I've been thinking about this for a while because the person I was with said we could still be friends and such and today, I saw him, and guess what? He didn't say a thing. Not a goodbye, not a hello, not a nod...

But I'm over it. Now that I'm single, I can grind on whoever I want, kiss whoever I want and do whatever I want, and I feel good. Except for the hole in my heart saying "OCCUPY ME WITH SOME CHOCOLATE, PIZZA, EGG ROLLS, OR EMPANADAS." Of course, each of these foods represent the race a person is. Right now...I'm in the mood for chocolate. I think for the simple fact that big lips are a turn on, and because, not being racist, most African American males have GREAT bodies...I think I'm craving chocolate. And plus, you know what they say...



ONCE YOU GO BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK!


when you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell :]

I think its ridiculous...

There is that one person in your life that fucks up their own life.
Doesn't matter what they do, but they fuck up their own life.
And then no matter how hard they try, they never cease to realize that their already fucked up life, will never be able to be fixed.
I'm so sorry for people like that, but seriously...when you and your already fucked up life adds things like lies, drama and a facade, then I become extremely cantankerous.

I have this friend.....not even a friend...more of like an acquaintance...who was at the party last night. Mostly everyone was drinking. He overstepped his boundaries by helping the girls out and not the guys, touching the girls (only like breast wise a couple times), and was the only one in the bathroom while they were puking or washing off. In the most perverse way, he violated my perception of this person who was my friend.

And then when I approached him, he denied everything. He DAMN WELL knows what he did. A smile on your face when your hand accidently slips onto another female's breast isn't proof enough for your bitchass? I cannot stand people like this.

Another thing, he took a video of the birthday girl kissing, grinding and dry humping another girl on a pool table and put it on Youtube. What the fuck? Don't put that shit and make it public...
And he labeled the girl who was with the birthday girl, his "wifey". When labeling someone a wifey, indicated affection and strong friendship. She was his first love and she does not like him anymore. He was a tool, a person who was clueless when being used, and he mistaked it for true love. I can't stand back and watch him obsess over a girl who broke his heart and has no intention of getting back with him, and let him dry hump and grind with the girl, when she's drunk.

And it also that my homophobic friend, supports me, but doesn't support anyone else. He was at the party and totally broke the bottle we played spin the bottle with on purpose when he say two guys kissing. It's a motherfucking game. It's a motherfucking rule. God....

I'm just......a little mad...

Fun. <3

I had a really great time at this party tonight. I didn't drink and it made me really sad when my friends were throwing up. That's why I never drink. There's so much to do at parties other than drugs and booze. Anyways...I kissed a lot of guys and a lot of girls at the party during spin the bottle. I love the face a guy makes when he kisses. (regardless of orientation or not) <3 It was very fun but I lost my voice. :/

That is all.

Prom Raked Our Money

PROM.

That was the highlight of every conversation. That was the highlight of every senior's conversation. Plus, even if it wasn't, couples were a part of every conversation.
"Who's with who?"
"He had sex with who?!"
"She....WHAT?!"
"I would never have thought they liked each other..."

It was like an episode of Gossip Girl mixed with the O.C.

High school is starting to end for me because I'm a junior who has to see his senior friends leave...it isn't fun at all. :/

My life is a story.

Can't you agree? Your life is one big soap opera or "episode" and you just don't understand why...but it keeps your life interesting but complicated at the same time...yet you still like it as it is?

One of my goals is to be able to write a book that is not a continuing series, but can be taught as a "school" book. (And be on the Real World of course)

Wish me luck. <3

(and shout out to Mr. McCrea. You my scrap)

To make everyone happy.

This one is going to be short.

To make everyone happy is the one thing I would love most in the world, but since, I can't...

where does that place me?

Unexpressable

I had something on my mind today. Lately, I've been having "unexpressable" feelings. What are they you must ask? Self explanatory, I feel like something is about to happen but not really...like a clairvoyant thingy, but not really. I feel like I have all these emotions and things running inside my head....

Some examples are...

For the most part, I feel awful that I didn't know my own parents were 50. (my mom's gonna turn it next month)

It feels awful that I forgot and it feels more awful that I think I'm a jinx and that if I say one of them might die on a blog, it might really happen. And if that happens, I could never forgive myself.

Anyways...I feel like I've been a bad son. Something happened that I won't say until a later time, that proves that I was a disappointment to them. :/
And even though we put it behind us, it still haunts me. And if they were to die, right, then I couldn't tell them how much they mean to me and that, in this very strict, somewhat religious family, I, the oldest son, is...gay.

I've been thinking about this for a long time. When do I tell them without breaking their hearts? It's a drastic time in my teenage life and I know its something that us three couldn't handle.

I have a little situation with friends. People that used to hate me or "not be cool" with me, are starting to come back into my life. I love my friends. I love my "scraps". (You know who you are) And if they come back into my life...it'll feel too weird. I know to limit my trust around them, but I don't know how to express this weird joy that they're my friends.

And lastly, I'm infatuated with my boyfriend.
As sad as to say I'm not fully in love with him, I am infatuated. He makes me feel good and he makes me feel whole and when we kiss (yes we kiss you damn homophobes), I lose myself and later in the day I can't focus. And I don't, for a minute, call it lust. How do I tell him he means alot to me even though we've only been dating for a short period of time?


Life's very complicated and to add on to the stress of school and family, I have more burdens to carry and I don't know if I can express them before its too late...

Something New

Hello. As my blog says, people call me Daveyy. I think that blogging is exceptionally cool and I feel kinda weird that its March 2nd, 2009, and I'm NOW just starting to blog. Better late than never, right?

So...what should I put into my blog? Maybe random tidbits of me? I think that's appropriate. I think I'll do ten. It's easier.

1) I love words and writing short stories.
2) I'm 75% Cambodian and 25% Chinese. [Asian....so so Asian]
3) I can put my right leg over my head.
4) I am almost a 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do.
5) I want to be a psychiatrist, but as of right now, am too lazy to be in school that long.
6) I love a good laugh and hearing catchy jokes.
7) I love reality shows and I would love so much to be on one.
8) I like R&B and acoustic and pop rock.
9) I have weird shaped ears.
10) I'm on a laptop right now. I usually will type on a laptop.

So yeah...that's basically it.
I'll probably be doing a daily blog...nah mean?

So yeah....dueces.