the mothers day that isn't.

Mother's day.
What a joke.
I love my mother, but if it weren't for her gambling addiction, then I wouldn't have to mourn today.

The reason why I referred to the gambling addiction is because my dad and mom argued for the last time I think. My mom wanted to go to her "friend's house" to pick up some money they owed her, but my dad knew it was a lie. She was going to gamble; even I knew it. A month ago, she said the same thing. She left at 6 PM and came back at 5 AM and tried to ask my sister to open the door for her, as she was locked out the house. My dad, already perceptive, slept on the couch and waited for his wife. When my sister was called, who was asleep by the way, to open the door, she came downstairs and opened the door. My mom went inside and then was sat down by my dad. He gave her a clear warning to not lie and never to do that again.

I always thought my dad was a crazy, insane, unstable person, but really he's just a misunderstood, old, medication-taking, loving person, who I've misjudged due to my inability to see past my mom's sensitive side. Dads are always the "mean" ones.

Anyways, she tried to pull the same stunt as she did before, but my dad wasn't going to allow it. After bickering and fighting for almost an hour, my mom raced to her room and tried to get ready, but my dad impeded her departure. He said, "IF GAMBLING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FAMILY, YOU CAN LEAVE. BUT DON'T COME BACK BECAUSE I WILL DIVORCE YOU!"

She was about to leave. She didn't.

I've never seen this side of my parents before. And I listened to their arguments and I always sided with my mom, becuase it seemed like she was always the victim in this situation, but now, I'm siding with my dad. My mom is tearing our family apart with her gambling. It's because of her that my sister and I have depleting social lives. It's because of her that my dad might be wifeless. It's because of her that I recently know that she has gambling debts and that she's gonna be addicted to the point of an inescapable void. I fear for her, my family, and today.

Earlier, before I went to buy my prom dress shirt, my dad was trying to show that he loves her. He went to her job, which was coincidentally near the mall I was about to shop at, and offered to buy her lunch. I called her and she replied, "I don't want anything from you guys."

I've never felt such unresolved feelings toward my mom. If she can't see the good that her family is trying to restore, and can only see her altruistic form of income, then we're fucked. We, the family, is fucked.

I can't live without two parents. It's not possible. All I know is that today is Mother's Day and there better be something short of a miracle to convince my mom to swallow her big ass pride pill and mend the broken pieces she has made into a family again.

...And so much for my previous blog. That was a lot of fun while it lasted. Though for some odd reason...I'm fine with my stance. I'm okay siding with my dad instead of my mom. Something tells me that I'm on the right side when it comes to the "last fight".