Genie

On April 4th, 2009, I got plastered. If you don't know what that means, it means I got "drunk".

OMFG....YOU'RE 16....WHY ARE YOU DRINKING?

OMFG....Why do you care?

I read in my scrap's blog..."A true friend would know somethings wrong in a minute." I was mad that no one could figure out what was wrong with me. Can no one feel that something was wrong? I mean, yeah, I faked it for a month and no one could figure it out or stop me and say "Hey...is everything all right?" I know no one's perfect and I know I have many friends, but I felt so alone. My facade was held up because I hate burdening people. But look what happens when I drink...I burden people.

It was a Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Mojito. 5 proof. Drunk the whole 1 liter bottle.
It all started when my friend, who's name I will not disclose, was upset. She was really upset. I tried everything to help her, but she didn't "let me in" or need me. I was always the person people came to, but lately....no one ever does. Anyways, there was this party. Everyone was like..."GO GO GO!" And I was like..."NO NO NO". I had to help her out. It's my nature to help people in need out. Plus the party was 10 dollars to get in and extra for food and stuff. I was like..."Oh hell no." So, as she was being upset, I declined the party. It was not that big of a deal...I didn't feel like going anyways. But thats not the point. The point is...her boyfriend showed up. I support love. If someone makes you happy, then I'm happy. I know on a scale, I could never match up to a boyfriend of 8 months. Her boyfriend cheered her up in minutes. Something I had been trying to do for about an hour. It just made me feel like crap. (Because I also missed the party, the grinding, the friends and the music, and I also couldnt help her)

Everything else was making me feel like crap. School, love, family, money, college...it was all rushing in on me. So when her boyfriend entered in with drinks...I was aloof. I didn't care.

I took the bottle and sucked it up. I ended up being red and buzzed. It wasn't a mistake. I don't regret it.

I thank my friend Kenny and my cousin Tommy for helping me out and letting me cry and stuff when I was in that state. I don't remember what I said but they told me I really put myself down. I called myself fat, ugly, lonely, worthless and that I tried to hit on them. So in that book...I'm a sad pervert. [haha....play on words]

I don't know if I'll ever do it again...because hangovers arent fun and feeling like everyone hates you because you drink isn't fun either.

I just wish my life could be happy again. I need it to be happy again. I don't know why I'm letting this depression get to me, but I have to make it stop. Or else...

Im happy now, but I don't know when it'll last. Fuck the fuckin' teenage years that fuck us up.

*shrugs* Where's my three wishes, genie?