Pariah

I'm fascinated with this word.
It means outcast or someone who is despised.
The reason why I'm fascinated is because I thought I was one.

On April 18th, I semi-participated in Day Of Silence. I stopped NOT talking after fourth period becuase my US History teacher MADE me participate in the class discussion. And then it was lunch....and then I was like...FUCK IT. I'm pro-gay and anyone who is LGBQT has my support. I kept the sign taped on my chest though. <3

Anyways, during my 4th period class, art, I told five unknowing people I was gay. [Shamar, Shaiquan, Keanna, Nadia, and Louis] The questions they asked were "happy to be answered".
"How do you know?"
"Have you ever tried anything with guys?"
"Have you had a boyfriend?"

And then comments like
"You're too cute to be gay!"
"You should be at School Of The Arts because you're very artistic and gay."
"You touch on girl's butts too much to be gay."

At that moment, after everyone asked/said to me what they wanted, they didn't budge. There's always that ONE person that budges and doesn't wanna be your friend anymore, but these people....friends didn't budge. I do love them all in a friend way. I'm not extremely close to them but I am close. Thanks for not budging.

But what I have to say is that one of the people I was close to budged. This bitch...
One night when we were on the phone, he told me "I don't like gay niggas." So I was hesitant to tell him. It wasn't until the rumor that I had gone out with another guy at school was spread that he found out. But now, the only time he "talks" to me is in Breakfast, where all my other friends sit. Nothing is ever said or replied in the hallways and I recently cut him off without telling him. Fuck him and fuck others who can't support friends whose sexual orientation are different.

Anyways...next story. On April 18th, I went to this one party. Volleyball, partying and a hella good time at this one party. There's always that ONE person who's a party crasher and a party pooper. The party host invited this one guy that's not in our age range and knew that him and I had our differences. I guess friendship triumphs over problems. He didn't do anything major to make me think indifferent of him but I don't like his presence. That was the party crasher. The party pooper was this semi-bipolar, semi-conformist friend who kinda dulled the party. I call him conformist because he breakdances now. I have nothing against breakdancing...I even think its the coolest thing to watch, but the fact that he only does it because his friends do it irks me. He does it also because he's starting to love it, so who am I to say he's semi-conformist or that he doesn't love it? His Rock Band 2 disc got scratched in the console and it doesn't work now. I'd be pissed too, but for you to yell at people who just picked it up and started playing, is wrong. Which was me, and four others, alternating Rock Band. Its a fun game. Anyways, his character/personality irks me. Regardless of the conformity and the bipolarity, his "cliche boy" persona piques me more. The "cliche boy" is the boy who either likes to sleep with all the girls or likes to hit on all the girls he sees. This person is a cliche boy in my book. Every party I've gone to, he's hit on a girl. And so we spent the night and he previously told me he was going to "cuddle up with a female", and he fulfilled what he told me. He slept/cuddled next to one of my good friends who now is the epitome of the rumors of that party. She said its nothing to worry about but if a cliche boy cannot see what he is doing...then I have no choice but to disapprove of what he's doing. And it sucks because I can't believe he did it after all the girl problems he's come to me with. Why is the cliche boy a masochist? It's just hypocritical.

This makes me feel like a bad friend. Who am I to say, you can't do this and you can't be that and you're doing this and you're doing that? I'm no one to say that. But the fact that contradictions and hypocrisy is present in your persona...questions my views on you...immensely.