poke key man

HI GUYS! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?



You're probably like..."Pokemon? What does Pokemon have to do with a blog?"



Now you're probably looking like this...
Am I right?
Well, regardless, here is why I'm doing such an energy/fun-having entry.


I'm tired of feeling like ^THIS^. It's just a waste of time, you know?



I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good looking or I don't measure up.



And I'm tired of drama and people gossiping about each other or about useless topics.



WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?!?!



From now on, I'll try to look at the brighter sides of things. I'll try to have a smile on my face and I'll try to show my quirkiness and pizazz. :]



Now if you will please excuse me, I have to use some of my skills to finish some of the last homework assignments of my favorite class ever; US History Honors :]



Until next time! Goodbye, my friends!

Split Second Agility

IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO

accuse you of anything [comma]

IT IS ALSO THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME THAT

allowed you to demote me as a friend [comma]

AND IT IS ALSO THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK

for me to go behind your back, snap your neck and watch you fall to the floor.


It irks me. How can two people so close grow apart so fast? I guess split second agility just explains it. I have split second agility. You probably have split second agility. To determine that you have this alleged SSA, you'll need to first notice the signs, with top speed. For example, noticing signs, or hints that indicate something happening, really fast or knowing something right off the top of your head, means you have SSA. I just can tell that I'm in for a rude awakening. My SSA tells me so.

detras.

detras in spanish is, behind.

A lot of people do stuff from behind.
They cross their fingers, have anal sex, backstab, talk crap and give dirty looks. Well, in some way.

Bottom line, as of right now, the world....my world needs a rehabilitation. We need to CEASE this "detras" stuff immediately or else.

The reason that Im writing this blog is that...no matter how hard I try; I know that my world will be filled with nothing but drama; good or bad. All I can say is...

TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.

And if you think you can honestly trust someone else, trust that you can trust them.

But just know, ANYONE is capable of ANYTHING. The entrusted trustee can do anything "detras" your back.

If only I could detox and go into a social rehab, I'd be okay. Those stupid, negative, mood-detrimental bitches....I hate them all. I can only stand to look at selected few. You know those people? The people you trust to be entrusted with your trust. The ones you can count on...most of the time. The ones that do their best to try to be there. The ones that'll slip away as time goes on. I'll say it once and I'll say it again...I need a social rehab; to align my stars and straighten out my priorities and check WHO I can trust or not trust.

Next social rehabs: Prom. Camp Pathfinder Island. Summer Vacation. College. Prom Camp Summer College...here I come.

Please.....God, help me through this time of need. If I don't believe in Jesus, how can I believe in "hope"? I need...trust. Badly.

SATIMS

You know what the fuck SATIMS are?

Stupid Ass Tricks Instigating Madd Shit

Do you know what I can't stand? I can't stand people that start shit, instigate shit and then involve people that you love/care about into shit. I am so fed up with drama. Let's just say I have this friend, right? The fact of the matter is that I am becoming so damn impatient with this friend that Im being blinded the fact that he is a good person whos being wrapped up in crazy ass drama and its pissing me the hell off. I take almost all the stuff I said about this person back. The fact of the matter is that...this person IS NOT bad. Its the choices and paths he takes is bad. You could probably relate to this situation. Its like a person entangled in twine that they cannot escape from and no matter how much you try to help them or help them breathe, they just get more entrapped.

Anyways...let me go over what's making me mad.

This person has a particular other who associates with the wrong crowd. This P.O has no fucking life and has to ruin others to have a subconscious high. Do you know what this P.O does? She's an obsessive compulsive bitch who lets others run her life and also makes bad choices. The fact that she can involve her ex-boyfriend, her friends, her enemies and my sister into her problems and drama annoys and pisses me off to no end.

Im not gonna put her business out, but I will put my business out. If the sound waves of drama echo into the lives of other people, its wrong. If the destruction one thing causes escalates to the lives of other people, its wrong. If the words you say travel to other people, ITS WRONG. And do you know what else is wrong? The fact that you are OBLIVIOUS to the damn muthafuckin' fact that its doing all of this, is WRONG. I got one thing to say to you, you god damn SATIMS, and that is "WAKE THE FUCK UP and SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT".

I know you won't even read this. I know you dont even know me well. I know you, due to the combination of the other two, wont even know I had a blog. And that's still sad because how can someone you barely even know, know/experience/hear/get insight on soooooo much drama? Tell me that, you SATIMS, PO.....whatever.

I just have one last thing to say. If my sister is ever called by your ass again to see where your ex-boyfriend is, or if I hear anymore drama that affects anyone in my group of friends, or if I know somethings going down, be prepared to get your shit rocked. And by shit being rocked, I mean your mind being subliminally face-fucked by my words. And if you knew me or my friends that you fucked with at all...youd know that I am not scared to cuss anyone out and Im not scared to confront anyone who messes with the ones I love.

Dueces.

shotgun weddings

How many people do you know have had sex?
How many people do you know have used condoms?
Now for a question that poses more of a thought process...

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW HAVE HAD SEX WITH A CONDOM AND HAD THE CONDOM BREAK?

I know three situations like this and I think its just sad that something so fun and pleasureful could have such dire consequences. And the fact that a pregnancy could occur makes me go: >;O

The two other cases have been between adults. People that were 18 and older but the last situation scares me the most.

This situation is between 17 year olds. I mean, 17 is an age where you can start making your own decisions, but pregnancy at 17 is still scary.

So, anyways....these two have been going out for two years on and off. No one knows if its love or lust but if sex is in the equation, then there must be some trust and attraction.

Today at the mall, it was reported that the girl started feeling nauseous and felt like throwing up. Alas...she did and then she told my sister "I think I'm pregnant."

Im not jumping to any conclusions but if she doesn't have her period soon or if she feels like this often...then i don't know what id do.

Im more close to the guy, regardless of what I've said, and if he becomes a daddy at such a contorted age...I don't know what I'd do.



....I don't know what I'd do. :/

Pariah

I'm fascinated with this word.
It means outcast or someone who is despised.
The reason why I'm fascinated is because I thought I was one.

On April 18th, I semi-participated in Day Of Silence. I stopped NOT talking after fourth period becuase my US History teacher MADE me participate in the class discussion. And then it was lunch....and then I was like...FUCK IT. I'm pro-gay and anyone who is LGBQT has my support. I kept the sign taped on my chest though. <3

Anyways, during my 4th period class, art, I told five unknowing people I was gay. [Shamar, Shaiquan, Keanna, Nadia, and Louis] The questions they asked were "happy to be answered".
"How do you know?"
"Have you ever tried anything with guys?"
"Have you had a boyfriend?"

And then comments like
"You're too cute to be gay!"
"You should be at School Of The Arts because you're very artistic and gay."
"You touch on girl's butts too much to be gay."

At that moment, after everyone asked/said to me what they wanted, they didn't budge. There's always that ONE person that budges and doesn't wanna be your friend anymore, but these people....friends didn't budge. I do love them all in a friend way. I'm not extremely close to them but I am close. Thanks for not budging.

But what I have to say is that one of the people I was close to budged. This bitch...
One night when we were on the phone, he told me "I don't like gay niggas." So I was hesitant to tell him. It wasn't until the rumor that I had gone out with another guy at school was spread that he found out. But now, the only time he "talks" to me is in Breakfast, where all my other friends sit. Nothing is ever said or replied in the hallways and I recently cut him off without telling him. Fuck him and fuck others who can't support friends whose sexual orientation are different.

Anyways...next story. On April 18th, I went to this one party. Volleyball, partying and a hella good time at this one party. There's always that ONE person who's a party crasher and a party pooper. The party host invited this one guy that's not in our age range and knew that him and I had our differences. I guess friendship triumphs over problems. He didn't do anything major to make me think indifferent of him but I don't like his presence. That was the party crasher. The party pooper was this semi-bipolar, semi-conformist friend who kinda dulled the party. I call him conformist because he breakdances now. I have nothing against breakdancing...I even think its the coolest thing to watch, but the fact that he only does it because his friends do it irks me. He does it also because he's starting to love it, so who am I to say he's semi-conformist or that he doesn't love it? His Rock Band 2 disc got scratched in the console and it doesn't work now. I'd be pissed too, but for you to yell at people who just picked it up and started playing, is wrong. Which was me, and four others, alternating Rock Band. Its a fun game. Anyways, his character/personality irks me. Regardless of the conformity and the bipolarity, his "cliche boy" persona piques me more. The "cliche boy" is the boy who either likes to sleep with all the girls or likes to hit on all the girls he sees. This person is a cliche boy in my book. Every party I've gone to, he's hit on a girl. And so we spent the night and he previously told me he was going to "cuddle up with a female", and he fulfilled what he told me. He slept/cuddled next to one of my good friends who now is the epitome of the rumors of that party. She said its nothing to worry about but if a cliche boy cannot see what he is doing...then I have no choice but to disapprove of what he's doing. And it sucks because I can't believe he did it after all the girl problems he's come to me with. Why is the cliche boy a masochist? It's just hypocritical.

This makes me feel like a bad friend. Who am I to say, you can't do this and you can't be that and you're doing this and you're doing that? I'm no one to say that. But the fact that contradictions and hypocrisy is present in your persona...questions my views on you...immensely.

Taboo.

So I was in Spanish and I said the word...."nigga".

I was called out by this girl named Shaniqua.

And so I asked "Does anyone have a problem with me saying that word?"

And no one raised their hand except for Shanqiua.

But then she said I can say whatever I wanted because it doesn't offend her....anymore.

Weird...



OH AND I BLAME MY SCRAP, RONNIE, FOR GETTING "WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG" STUCK IN MY HEAD.
YOU SUCK, SCRAP! :P (And you also suck for getting Jai Ho stuck in head that one week. lmfao)

he grabs her hands.

I was trying to catch my bus after school, and because it wasn't in the back of the bus loop, I had to walk my butt all the way up the front. And as I was walking up to the front, so many couples passed me.

Jon & Brittany.

Ian & Rose.

Mark & Jasmine.

George & Laura.

Some more miscellaneous couples.

I envy them.

I envy the fact that I won't have a regular relationship as long as I'm in high school. I understand that my life hasn't started yet but is there anyone out there willing to give me a sign that I might find someone....soon?

I'm just....a teenage boy who needs some lovin' in his life and nowhere in the story does it say, he grabs HIS hands.

....You wanna know the worst part? It sucks that the person I thought I was gonna be with, is going out with someone else. This person is great, looks and personality, from what I can tell. It's a rock and a hard spot. I don't wanna ruin our friendship, and I'm sooo sooo happy for him; that's why I won't say anything. Not that I have anything negative to say. It's frustrating as a bitch...How do you tell the person you have extreme feelings you have feelings for them? And there are other guys...trust me, but I would only want them for sex...and that's not me. I wouldn't go out with someone just because they can give me sex. It's immoral and unethical.


So here I am. Alone. And discontent. And loveless. Yay me...

crushcrushcrush

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
CrushCrushCrush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
CrushCrushCrush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
Rock and roll, baby
Don't you know that we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, honey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, honey (Hey!)
Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now?
Give me something to sing about
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this
No, oh
Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than
More than this

This song was stuck in my head. Creativity at the max? Never, the max. Just creative. :] I'm feeling a bunches better. And I cannot wait for future events :]

Many People Touching Balls

I am furious, sad, angry, aloof, discontent, heartbroken, guilt-ridden and remorseful. Everything other than HAPPY.

I don't understand why I argue with my mom and think I can win.

Things have changed these past years. I always thought my dad was evil. He never let me do anything, he never let me go anywhere and keep in mind that I was ANTI-dad back then. My mom had to back me up for everything I did. I was PRO-mom. But now the tables have changed. My dad is more lenient, and until a couple years ago, it started to become more of a "Oh, you're growing up to be a big boy. You need your freedom." thing and I liked the idea. I was getting used to to the fact that I had freedom. My mom, however, is starting to act like she has a pole stuck up her ass. She gambles at nights at a time and works way too much. I understand that she needs her fun too but when you can't SPARE two hours for your 4 kids, you have a problem.

From Sunday, I told my mom in advance that we were going bowling on FRIDAY, the four of us and 4 other friends, and she agreed. She likes it when I tell her in advance about my plans. And so, today is Friday. She comes home from another "fun-filled" gambling rendezvous at 11 something and sleeps. She is cranky, and tired, and she told me she lost all her winnings. I'm sorry that she is cranky, tired, and lost all her winnings. I am sympathetic and I told her she should go bowling with us to relieve stress. She declines.

So, then I get a phone call from my friend and she goes "DUDE, WE CAN'T GO TO THE BOWLING ALLEY WE WANTED TO! WE NEED AN ADULT OVER 21 TO BOWL WITH US OR WE WON'T GET IN!" So I rush back to my mom and I go "Mom, you have to come with us to bowling and can't drop us off alone." And she was like "FORGET IT!" So, I took time out of the time we were supposed to be at the bowling alley and found another one the "same" distance as the one we were supposed to go to. And she goes "NO, IT'S TOO LATE! LOOK AT THE TIME! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAN ANYTHING TOO LATE AND IM NOT DRIVING ALL THE WAY OUT TO GATES." So, I told her... "THAT'S NOT FAIR. HOW COME YOU CAN GAMBLE ALL NIGHT LONG AND NOT SPARE TWO HOURS FOR YOUR FOUR KIDS?!" And she goes, "I MAKE ALL THE MONEY FOR THIS FAMILY. I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE PLANS THIS LATE AND ITS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU MESSED UP YOUR OWN PLANS." And then I go "BUT IF YOU WERE GONNA TAKE US BOWLING TODAY ANYWAYS, WHY NOT GO TO THE OTEHR BOWLING ALLEY?" She goes, "BECAUSE ITS TOO FAR, TOO LATE, TOO EXPENSIVE AND YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MOUTH TO BE YELLING AT ME," I was regretfully yelling at her. "NOW IF YOU DONT DO WHAT I SAY, GIVE ME BACK THE 40 DOLLARS! (the amount she gave us for bowling which wasn't enough)" And I stood up, shot the 40 bucks on the floor, kicked it and said "TAKE IT!" And I rushed to my room and slammed my door.

I never felt so emotional like this. I feel bad that I yelled and disrespected my mom but can you blame me? I look at everything as an equal becuase I am an unofficial egalitarian, so I don't see why TWO HOURS (7-9pm) would be such a problem. 120 minutes, for god's sake. I wish she could just...i dont know. I don't have a solution for this. I usually have solutions. Lately, I don't. :[ Lately, my whole life feels like a black hole and there's no getting out. I feel like crap and I need some fun so because I couldn't go bowling with my friends, another bit of happiness was taken away from me.

Lastly if there's one thing I would want to say to my mom, its: "I'm sorry and all of the above, but I wish you could see that you took another chunk of happiness away from me and still left my guilt-ridden because you took it."

....wow. Call me a contradictory person, but I feel so worthless for writing my thoughts :[

Ni Hao.

Today as I was walking home a bus of teenagers drove past me. On this rarely "nice" day in Rochester, the bus had its window open and this realy ignorant person shouted out "NI HAO!"

I laughed at it then and I laugh at it now.

How can people still be this ignorant?

Genie

On April 4th, 2009, I got plastered. If you don't know what that means, it means I got "drunk".

OMFG....YOU'RE 16....WHY ARE YOU DRINKING?

OMFG....Why do you care?

I read in my scrap's blog..."A true friend would know somethings wrong in a minute." I was mad that no one could figure out what was wrong with me. Can no one feel that something was wrong? I mean, yeah, I faked it for a month and no one could figure it out or stop me and say "Hey...is everything all right?" I know no one's perfect and I know I have many friends, but I felt so alone. My facade was held up because I hate burdening people. But look what happens when I drink...I burden people.

It was a Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Mojito. 5 proof. Drunk the whole 1 liter bottle.
It all started when my friend, who's name I will not disclose, was upset. She was really upset. I tried everything to help her, but she didn't "let me in" or need me. I was always the person people came to, but lately....no one ever does. Anyways, there was this party. Everyone was like..."GO GO GO!" And I was like..."NO NO NO". I had to help her out. It's my nature to help people in need out. Plus the party was 10 dollars to get in and extra for food and stuff. I was like..."Oh hell no." So, as she was being upset, I declined the party. It was not that big of a deal...I didn't feel like going anyways. But thats not the point. The point is...her boyfriend showed up. I support love. If someone makes you happy, then I'm happy. I know on a scale, I could never match up to a boyfriend of 8 months. Her boyfriend cheered her up in minutes. Something I had been trying to do for about an hour. It just made me feel like crap. (Because I also missed the party, the grinding, the friends and the music, and I also couldnt help her)

Everything else was making me feel like crap. School, love, family, money, college...it was all rushing in on me. So when her boyfriend entered in with drinks...I was aloof. I didn't care.

I took the bottle and sucked it up. I ended up being red and buzzed. It wasn't a mistake. I don't regret it.

I thank my friend Kenny and my cousin Tommy for helping me out and letting me cry and stuff when I was in that state. I don't remember what I said but they told me I really put myself down. I called myself fat, ugly, lonely, worthless and that I tried to hit on them. So in that book...I'm a sad pervert. [haha....play on words]

I don't know if I'll ever do it again...because hangovers arent fun and feeling like everyone hates you because you drink isn't fun either.

I just wish my life could be happy again. I need it to be happy again. I don't know why I'm letting this depression get to me, but I have to make it stop. Or else...

Im happy now, but I don't know when it'll last. Fuck the fuckin' teenage years that fuck us up.

*shrugs* Where's my three wishes, genie?

I am light.

I said something really sad in my last blog.

My blog is not supposed to be sad and to leave that blog on my page for everyone to see is kind of embarrassing.

So, this "cloaking" shroud of a blog will protect the other blog from being shown publicly on today, April 3rd, 2009.

OH AND YESTERDAY WAS MY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF BLOGGING!

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

I am light. I am one too strong to fight.
Return back where shadows dwell, please please go back to hell.
Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night.

And this line is from Charmed, Season 1, Is there a woogy in the house?
I changed it around to fit my blog.

Wishing I Could Turn Back Time.

Sex is human nature.

Everyone knows this.

Regardless, if you don't have it or haven't had it, the hormones in your body start to kick rapidly and then begin to release and escape in the form of erections and French kisses. Am I right?
Anyways, it can be maturely say that I, a sixteen year old teenage boy wants to have sex, badly.
I coin the term "sexually miserable" although I'm clearly sexually frustrated.

I wish I could have it...so bad. But, because of the past, I can't have it. I feel remorse and regret for what happened, and I feel like shit. You don't know what it feels like to feel impure after your purity has been taken away. Don't jump to conclusions nor think less of me, but I'm taking care of myself. I know that soon, I can have it, but it might be too late to have it with the person I infatuate the most.

Lust has overcome me. I'm falling heads over heels for someone I shouldn't and it hurts because if I feel for this person, then I'll be attached to them, and I don't wanna ruin friendship.
I've done memorable things with this person. I love the taste of their lips and I love the taste of their "nether region". I just wish that my heart didn't break every time he smiles because when he smiles it makes me happy and I know that, at any moment, that happiness can go away.

And I think because I hurt him today, it has. :[

My only wish is to redo the past. Undo time and live life happily. But as of right now, I can't. I need clarity and a friend, and right now, I don't have that.

April Fools.

Today, the freshmen were active. Playing tricks on most of the teachers and being youthful. It makes me happy that we still can have fun in the world! haha. I don't know what that means.
I think I'm gonna put my newly acquired old generation 4G iPod and put it on shuffle and take quotes from it. 20. That should fill up the blog page quickly.

"Sounds gangster, I'm game sir, we'll play the town prankster." Jupiter Rising- Electropop.

"I can hardly relax or even oversleep." Owl City- The Saltwater Room.

"She put the moves on me, I coulda swore shawty's a wrestler." The Dream- Falsetto.

"It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart." Shakira- Illegal.

"First of all, let me say, you can't accuse me of all the things you know that you are guilty of." Keyshia Cole- I Should Have Cheated.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies...it's compromise." Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved.

"Run baby run...don't ever look back." We The Kings- Check Yes Juliet.

"Kiss my eyes and lay to me sleep..." AFI- Prelude 12/21.

"I envy you, for being you." Fallout Boy- A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me.

"When I'm in your arms, it turns me on." Nightmare Of You- My Name Is Trouble.

10 already?

"The neighbors said she moved away...funny how it rained all day." All Time Low- Remembering Sunday.

"So much ice, his neck and wrist froze." Mario Vasquez- Gallery.

"Even an angel can end up falling." September- Satellites.

"Caviar and cigarettes." Queen- Killer Queen.

"She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter." Click 5- Just The Girl.

"But she's touching his...chest now...she takes off her dress now." The Killers- Mr. Brightside.

"Come on baby, we ain't gonna live forever!" The Veronicas- 4ever.

"She was a heartbreaker, glad I never ever had no kids with her." Tank- Heartbreaker.

"Would you still love me so or would you turn me off your stereo?" Cash Cash- Radio.

"While the heat from in their pockets could burn marks into their legs." The Faint- Worked Up So Sexual.

Wow. That was fun....must do again. Must must do again. lmfao.